Does Youth Ministry Work?

Lately I have heard a lot of talk about Christian teens falling away from their faith as they venture into college. Many in the church have begun to ask the question, “ is youth ministry really working?”  “Have we built an effective spiritual foundation?” As a youth pastor who pours his heart into students lives naturally I can become a little defensive to this type of thinking. It hurts us youth pastors deeply to see young lives that we loved on choose to go their own way as they venture into the world.  However, it would be naive of us not ask the question as well, “is our youth ministry working?” “Why do student opt to live a life of self gratification vs. a life surrendered to the Lord. I recently read this quote from Michael Spencer’s Christian Science Monitor article “The Coming Evangelical Collapse”—it’s creating a lot of buzz in evangelical circles. Here’s a tidbit:

“We Evangelicals have failed to pass on to our young people an orthodox form of faith that can take root and survive the secular onslaught. Ironically, the billions of dollars we’ve spent on youth ministers, Christian music, publishing, and media has produced a culture of young Christians who know next to nothing about their own faith except how they feel about it. [They] have deep beliefs about the culture war, but do not know why they should obey scripture, the essentials of theology, or the experience of spiritual discipline and community. Coming generations of Christians are going to be monumentally ignorant and unprepared for culture-wide pressures.”

Many would say, “That is it exactly!!!”  But I believe there is much more under the surface of what many are feeling with youth ministry.  Maybe youth ministry really is not broke it needs to be redefined to understand the new generations it is trying to reach with the message of Jesus Christ. Here are a few things worth thinking about.

1. We must redefine Youth Ministry: Many believe that Youth Ministry exists to develop students spiritually, to make them good kids, to build a spiritual foundation. This is all partially true, but these expectations when solely placed on the Pastor will only lead to failure.  Placing all spiritual development on the Pastor negates the responsibility of Parents role in their teen’s spiritual development. A youth pastor who spends at most 6 hours a week with students has very little influence, compared to a parent who sees them and influences their decisions exponentially more. Over my many years of youth ministry I can say hands down students who have parents that actively model a deep faith in Jesus, and are actively involved in their spiritual development continue to walk with the Lord for life. Key theme here is actively, walking with students in their faith journey through the teen years is an active process. If parents are not putting in the work to walk with their students spiritually, why would we expect them to pursue Jesus actively on their own? Why would a student take his spiritual walk with Jesus seriously if his parents don’t take their walk seriously? The purpose of youth ministry must change to not only being an advocate and influencing factor in student lives spiritually, but also to equip parents to be the primary influencers and leaders in their children’s spiritual formation. Healthy Youth Ministries of the future will be a community experience where youth pastor and parents partner together in walking with teens through the faith formation teen years, giving students a holistic view of their faith and seeing it lived out before their eyes. Youth Ministry will begin to be the community where families have opportunity to experience faith building moments together.  

2. We must redefine the win: Youth Ministry does not exist to create good successful teens. Youth Ministry exists to create students that deeply love Jesus and surrender their life to live for God’s kingdom. This means that a win for the kingdom often looks like a failure in the worlds eyes. Our culture has placed our younger generations in a place of narcissism, where they are strongly encouraged to succeed by bettering themselves; this process of success has little to do with God’s view of success.  Individuals that are living their life for the kingdom care more for others than themselves; they will often flee from what many may consider success. Teens as they enter into college more now than ever are looking to give their lives to something that is relevant and significant. If students have not discovered that Christ and His kingdom are relevant and significant to their lives, they will go in search of something that is. Often this search leads to a life of narcissism and self gratification that has been modeled to them their whole life. If the world has always revolved around our youth, why do we think they should suddenly live their lives as if it didn’t once they reach college?  What this means is that Youth Pastors and Parents must accept that in a world that is becoming ever more competitive to achieve success the win has to be redefined.  We have to abandon the idea that the win is good successful teens, but the win is a generation of student that love Jesus and by living their life for god’s kingdom will transform this planet for God’s glory. We cannot expect our teens to love Jesus and continue in their faith during the college years if we preach to them their whole lives that the win is to be successful by this world’s standards.

Top 10 things parents should know about youth ministry!

I read this article at youthministry.com and thought it was a really good picture of our Ministry! Please read it. Here is a summary of the 10 things you as parents should know about youth ministry

10—When/Where/How Much? For anything that might be going on with the youth group, it’s best to ask your students to make sure they know. We pass out fliers, send out emails, texts, and so on, and we know very little gets retained or gets to you—so ask to make sure they know. If all else fails, call or email me or one of the leaders.

9—We are not here to simply entertain your youth. Yes we will do some wild, crazy, and absolutely ridiculous things with them—but our primary goal is to provide multiple opportunities where they can be influenced by God.

8—Parents are the primary influence in student’s lives. As you know, We are an influence, not the influence We’re only directly involved in your sons’/daughters’ lives for six years; you’re directly involved for a lifetime. You have the greater authority and responsibility. Thus, we want to assist you, bless you, encourage you, and share in the journey with you.

 7—Family over youth group. Your lives can get busy, and we don’t want to steal your students away from your free time or distract them from what matters in the family at home. We want to join you in the effort to make this clear to the youth.

6—Verify anything your teenager tells you. Sometimes students can exaggerate or edit things on their own terms. If you hear something that sounds appalling or troubling, always call us and verify the story. (For example, “One of the Youth Leaders was beating me up,” when in fact all 15 guys were having a wrestling match in the Youth Hall.)

5—We want to listen.We do not want to put up walls of pride, self-defense, excuses, and justifications. We want honest communication with you parents so it’s always a teamwork effort, not a Kung Fu Fighting Match. So share with us, please!

4—Building the youth group is an unhurried, relational process. It takes a few years to build consistency, trust, communication, and individual growth. We don’t want any youth left behind, ignored, or put off to the side. So understand this so that no hurried expectations get in the way.

 3—Praise and worship is a key element in this ministry. We would love to see your students developing and using their skills in this arena. Encourage your teenager both to attend and be involved.

 2—Breaking the routine: the rut. One of the best ways to burst into the worldview and mindset of the youth is to drag them away from their routines, their patterns.Removing them from suburbia, their comfortable contexts, their luxuries—all these help remove barriers to the Spirit of God.

 1—Take the Lord seriously. He is more interested in you and your children than you are. Open yourself to the strength he provides in Jesus Christ.

Three questions only a father can answer!

I was reading this article, Three questions only a father can answer by Seth Barnes, and my heart connected with it on a deep level as a father and a son. Our children are constantly looking to us as their fathers to answer three pivotal questions that will drastically shape the direction of their physical and spiritual lives.

 1.       Am I ok?

2.       What is my highest and best in life?

3.       Can I make a difference?

 As a youth pastor for the last 6 years I would say the most influential opportunities I have had in ministry is speaking love and truth into students lives concerning these three questions. Girls and Guys both ask these questions constantly both verbally and nonverbal queues, and often they do not get the answers they so desperately need. I challenge you as fathers and moms to understand the significant role we have in continually answering these questions.

 **Click on the above link to read the whole article!

Stress and Busyness the teenage norm?

There is one common theme that I have heard consistently from our students the last several years in ministry when responding to the question, “How is life?” The response across the board is “busy and stressed”. Talking to parents, their response is the same, “busy and stressed.” We are currently seeing a generation of teenage students that have become inundated with heavy expectations for their success in this world. Many of these teens are secretly crumbling under the weight of the pressure to succed at any cost. Yes, we live in a competitive world and the requirements for these students to get into a good college or career is heightened.  But there is a very real sense of a lack of balance  that is driving these students to miss the heart of God. What is it costing our students to try and meet these demands of success placed on them in order to be a well rounded individual; club sports year round, AP classes, honor club, music lessons, community service, drama, plays, class government positions, high gpa, good SAT scores, the list seems insurmountable. It breaks my heart to see our students devastated to not get into the school of their choice after all of the stress and pressure of 4 years of high school. But I don’t see the same devastation about the things of the Lord. The teen years are the most pivotal, foundational years of an individuals life. The teen years develop a sense of self and values that carry us through the rest of our lives. If our teens lives revolve success but lack of kingdom principles, this self-promoting ideal will continue into adulthood. My prayer is that we can raise a generation of students that truly seeks after the heart of the Lord and others eternal significance.

 Walt Muller a father of 3 teenagers and founder of Center for Parent/ Youth Understanding, wrote an awesome article and the stress and busyness of our teens lives. Check it out here

Twilight: Dependency, Desire, Decisions

View my previous posts on Twilight here:

http://teenagesoul.wordpress.com/2008/12/05/a-deadly-romance/

http://teenagesoul.wordpress.com/2008/10/28/twilight-part-3-edward-cullen/

http://teenagesoul.wordpress.com/2008/10/21/twilight-part-2/

http://teenagesoul.wordpress.com/2008/10/16/twilight-part-1/

Warning: Some plot is given away during the course of this article

So I have officially finished all four books in the Twilight Series and there is much to talk about. I will do my best to hit on what I feel are few key themes throughout the book. Some of these themes are positives, while others are definitely negative.

Many have asked, “Should I let my teen read this series?” While I would love to give a “yes” or “no” answer, I don’t think I can. I would, however, suggest reading them with and alongside your teen. As you will see, this series deals with a lot of different and complex issues that teenagers are processing through on a daily basis; the Twilight series has the potential to be a catalyst for some great dialogue and conversation between you and your child. I’m sure you are wondering where you are going to find time do something like that, but the truth is, spending quality time reading and discussing the book together with your child will build trust, respect, and openness in your relationship that could save you much more time in the future when difficulties arrive.

Dependency

There are not many people out there today who wake up and say, “man I want to be dependent.” The American dream is built around ideas of freedom, self expression, and the ability to do whatever you want, whenever you want, all on your own accord. While this all sounds fine and dandy, the truth is we are surrounded by a much different ideology in our daily lives. Advertising tells us we need to be dependent upon their product to make it through the day (many even claiming that their product will set you free from dependency; but they neglect the new dependency they have created for you.)  Television and media tell us we need to look and act a certain way so that we can gain social success, and so, we are constantly dependent on our image to be above and beyond those around us.

While we do our best to avoid dependency, the truth is we are bound to it- but I don’t think dependency is a bad thing; we are just dependent upon the wrong things. I believe God is constantly calling us to be dependent on Him in all areas of our life. The amazing act of what happened on the cross was a sign that we can’t do it on our own, and we are dependent on Jesus for salvation, restoration, and wholeness. I also believe it is worth noting that Jesus did not die to simply get us into heaven, but for us to experience salvation, restoration, and wholeness here, now, and in this life- which requires us to be dependent in all areas of life.

We also experience dependency throughout our lives. As children we are dependent on our parents to care for us, and we grow up dependent on feeling/experiencing love. We have all, at some point, put our dependency in someone, hoping they would provide us with what we need, only to be let down.

Stephanie Meyer (author of Twilight) has done a great job of creating an epic literary romance, but my fear is that in the process, teen readers will be mislead in their thinking about relationships and proper dependency. Bella and Edward have an extraordinary bond that is linked both in love for one another and “super human” (or super vampire) attraction. Both of their lives are wrapped up and dependent on the other. During a time where they are broken up, for what Edward decides is best for her safety, the two engage in reckless behavior because they feel as though they cannot live without the other. When Edward is separated from Bella, he goes as far as to ask the equivalent of the vampire government to end his immortal life.

While everyone wants to be desired, loved, and cared for, there is a difference between a literary romance and reality. There is nothing wrong with love, investing in a relationship, trusting another person, sacrificing for them, IF your dependency and hope is in Christ and not in the other human being. Too often relationships, and as a result, the individuals, are destroyed because of unhealthy expectations placed in another person. While it may be fun to fantasize and read about these love stories where the woman is swept off her feet and cared for with affection, love, and desire, the truth is, no one can live up to the standard that is set in Twilight. For one it is a FICTIONAL book, and two, Edward is not human therefore able to do superhuman things.

I will continue to write about this subject in the next coming days. I will post on the theme of desire in the novels in the next week followed by a write up on decisions.  Please feel free to leave any comments or questions you may have about the novels and I will do my best to answer them!

A Deadly Romance

Twilight has continued to pick up steam, especially with its move into the mainstream as a featured full length film. While Bella and Edward are both interesting characters, it is their relationship that drives the book.

While the two do abstain from sex it’s not without a very prominent tone of sensuality. Meyer is flares up the desires of young readers by placing the couple in heightened tension filled moments of romance. Their physical contact is relegeted to a few brief kisses, but the underlying tension and desire is more then obvious to readers.

Spending time in a meadow laying together in the sunlight, spending the night in her room watching her sleep, moments together far away from all society. While it is true they are not having sex, they are definitely pushing the boundaries and toeing the line, and is this the message we really want to be sending to our teens?

Meyer’s presents a pipe dream of love and romance between two teens that creates a standard that our teens can not meet. Edwards ability to resist his sexual temptations lies not in the fact that he is a great guy, but he is not a normal teenager in fact in the novel he is a 117 year old man trapped in a 17 years old body. The situations of intimacy that he finds himself in with Bella, are portrayed as contained and safe, but the same situation between two normal teenagers more than likely would have much different results .

It is not ok to have a girl/boyfriend stay over night in your room, it is not ok to spend afternoons napping in a meadow together, because it is a recipe for disaster. Meyer’s depiction of a teenage relationship is an unhealthy model for students to look to.

It is important to talk to our kids about their desires otherwise books like twilight will do if for us. We are creatures of desire and that is not always a bad thing, but without a healthy perspective of what those desires mean and the implications that they hold our teens will be fighting a loosing battle. Teenagers will have a desires for the opposite sex and that is not a bad thing…it is how we were built, but not preparing them for how to handle those desires and impulses sets them up for failure.

Twilight Part 3: Edward Cullen

Previous posts on the Twilight Series

Poster with Edward and Bella for the Upcoming Twilight film due out November 21

Getting Ready for Twilight

Twilight Part 1

Twilight Part 2:Bella Swan

If Bella is what readers relate to, Edward is what readers are attracted to.  Edward Cullen is a 17 year old boy, for eternity. He was born in the early 20th century and lost both his parents to influenza in 1917 and he himself was on his deathbed until a vampire bit him. Carlisle, a vampire who for 200 years had given up human blood and fed only on animals and assimilated himself into human society by becoming a doctor, bit Edward to save him from the horrible death influenza brought on and also to bring a companion and partner into his life. Edward like Carlisle resisted his urges to feed on human blood and instead hunted animals to curb his cravings and he too tried to assimilate into human society by attending high school.
80 plus years after becoming a vampire he meets Bella and their romance begins. Edward is described as beautiful, muscular, and pale skinned. He is quite an intimidating figure to most kids in his high school and keeps to his small group of “siblings” (other vampires who live with him and Carlisle as a family and also abstain from human blood). Underneath his cold persona is a mature being with plenty of charm.
He is incredibly chivalrous always opening doors and looking out for Bella. His super human powers give him extreme strength, quickened speed, heightened senses, and the ability to read peoples thoughts… except of course for Bella’s.  He lives in Forks because of the overcast rainy weather, which shields him from the sun. The sun does not kill him however it causes his skin to glow and sparkle. He does not sleep, he does not breathe, and his skin is always cold. Edward is a character of great desire and passion.
Edward connects with readers because he is truly every girl’s dream. He is vulnerable, complimentary, loving, caring, soothing, and will go to extreme lengths to protect the woman he loves. Edward is the boy that most girls are seeking for, but for some reason they seem to settle for less. Edward is a great example of the characteristics in a healthy relationship.
While he has the desire to kill her and taste her blood, he puts away his own selfish desires to uphold the integrity of their relationship. The author Stephanie really hits on the theme of desire. It goes hand in hand with boys in today’s culture putting away their sexual desires for girls in order to maintain the integrity of their relationship. As a 17 year old boy Edward is also well aware of his own sexual desires. Meyers makes it quite clear that there is chemistry between them, but Edward always draws the line at brief kisses. He makes clear comments that he must stop there for the desire is too great.
This was actually quite an encouraging aspect of the book. While the desire and sensuality is present the sexuality is not. (we will get into that more in the next post) Edward, minus the vampire thing, is what all girls should strive for in a relationship. Someone who values them, honors them, respects them, and suppresses their own desires no matter how great the body tells them they are to truly love the other person.
With that said there is not a teenage boy, in today’s culture, who is capable of constraining and suppressing their desires and emotions as well as Edward is.  While girls should look for the characteristics that Edward possess they should also be aware that Edward is a fictional character with super human strengths and most boys are not like him. Edward is mature beyond his years, or maybe just mature for his years considering he is over a 100 years old. While Edward can handle the intimate settings that he finds himself in with Bella without crossing the line, most boys can not and girls need to be aware of that.
In the next post we will look at the relationship between  Bella and Edward and examine the themes of desire, sensuality, and sexuality as they play themselves out in the book.

Twilight Part 2: Bella Swan

For background on Twilight read my previous posts on the book
Getting Ready for Twilight
Twilight Part 1

Isabella “Bella” Swan is a 17 year old only child who for a majority of her life lived as a rather mature, introverted, and independent lifestyle. She is the product of a divorced household with a mother who seems more interested in chasing a fancy lifestyle than starting a family or raising a daughter.

One of the themes that I picked up on in the book was the obvious cultural gap between adults and teens. The adults seemed incapable of caring for themselves and the teens were forced in a sense to create a subculture where they were running their own lives separate from any parental guidance. Bella is constantly worrying about her parents’ ability to care for themselves and there is a shift in the roles between parent and child.

Part of her maturity comes from her ability to read people quite well. She is very perceptive and while she often avoids community has a knack for understanding people. She is capable of understanding what people are feeling and thinking without ever asking them. This is not a super power or sixth sense, but rather a personal attribute of hers.

While Bella does live a rather mature and independent life she also is incredibly self-conscious and self-critical. In the beginning of Twilight Bella almost seems borderline depressed. She describes herself as never really fitting in and she went through her days trying to go unnoticed.

I think Bella is a rather attractive character for many teenage girls because she captures a lot of the sentiment that teenage girls feel today. With the immense pressure to be successful and beautiful (skinny, tall, perfect bone structure), girls often carry the weight of cultural expectations with them. Studies show that 20% of teens experience some amount of depression before they reach adult-hood and over 60% of teenage girls admit to thinking badly about their bodies or having low self-esteem. Bella is an accessible character for many teenage girls as she is not incredibly attractive, nor a social standout, but rather just a regular girl from a broken home trying to make it through adolescence without making a fool of herself.

This is not to say that readers who relate to Bella are themselves suffering from depression or self esteem issues, rather they connect with the idea of struggling to be vulnerable and the pressures of being a teen.

Perhaps the biggest draw to Bella as a character is her passion and desire for Edward. Beneath the vampires and intense situations is the basis of this novel… a love story.  The insecurity, the glances across the lunchroom, the wondering what he thinks, fretting over your appearances, trying to look cool, Bella experiences all of this and many readers can relate to the process. Every girl develops a crush throughout their teenage years and Bella is an excellent portrayal of those emotions.

While she is depicted quite well and teenagers are obviously associating with her, it’s not always in a positive manner. Bella’s affection for Edward constantly toes the line with obsession. Her identity becomes wrapped up in the relationship and she seems to run through life blind to anything, but Edward. This obsessive personality is often all too common for teens to take on and relate too and it can be incredibly damaging.

Bella places such an emphasis on Edward she is idolizing him and holding him to a standard that sets one up for failure and conflict. I hope that teen readers will recognize that Bella’s attitude toward Edward is not realistic and that nobody can fulfill your hearts desires completely. As humans we are prone to let people down, to hurt the ones we loves, and to be selfish. Idolizing someone only deepens the hurt that occurs when someone acts…well human.

Underneath the obsession is a positive attribute to Bella and it is her heart and compassion. It is visible in the way she treats others, the way she is constantly thinking about her friends feelings, her compassion and worry for her parents, and it is visible in her relationship with Edward.

Hopefully I have painted a working picture of Bella for you to work with. With that said I’m sure her character and personality will continue to grow over the course of the next three books and I will be sure to give any insight into those changes as the story progresses.

The next post will be about Edward Cullen, followed up by a discussion of Bella and Edwards relationship. Thanks for reading and all comments are gladly accepted!

Twilight Part 1

This post will be mostly about the plot and characters. It will provide a general overview of the story and lay the foundation to discuss the topics and issues that are prevalent in the series.

Twilight is the first book in the four part series authored by Stephanie Meyers. At 544 pages it is no short read, but it is a rather easy read. The main character Bella is a 17 year old girl from Phoenix, Arizona who lived a rather isolated and independent life. Bella is self admittedly clumsy and continually describes herself as never really fitting in.  Her parents were divorced and she lived with her mom who seems to be chasing a fantasy of an exciting large city life by marrying a minor league baseball player. Her father lived in the city she was born in, Forks, Washington.  Forks is a small rainy town where everyone seems to know everyone else. Bella makes the decision to go live with her Dad in Forks so her mother can continue to travel around the US with her husband and not worry about her.

Her independent lifestyle continues as her father is clueless in raising a teenage daughter and he himself is pretty set in his ways and his job as the town sheriff. It is in school that she meets Edward. Through a series of events, Edward saving her life a couple of times, she realizes that there is something different about him. She eventually discovers he is a vampire, but no ordinary vampire.

Edward belonged to a “family” of vampires that had decided to abstain from their bodily desires and feed only on animal blood as opposed to human blood. The book is quite clear that the desire is still there and for some in Edwards family the desire is still quite strong, but they resist their urges to live a life beyond the circumstances they have been put in.

The book revolves around the relationship that Bella and Edward build as boyfriend and girlfriend and as human and vampire. It chronicles their ups and downs, trails and triumphs.

In the upcoming post I’ll focus first on Bella. What we can learn from her character and what it says about our society today. The following post we will look at Edward, the third post will look at their relationship and the final post will be a wrap up and thoughts on the book.

Getting Ready for Twilight

Vampires, prom, dating, and teenage girls? Sounds like that one movie with Michael J. Fox… wait he was werewolf not a vampire. Either way, Stephanie Meyers 4 part series known as the Twilight Saga has captured the attention of teens, mostly girls, and sent their hearts and imaginations fluttering into a world of terror and romance.

The Twilight Saga is extremely popular amongst teens and tweens and has drawn a fair amount of criticism. An Orange County School District placed a ban on the books citing them as “age inappropriate,” but the ban was lifted a short time later after an opposing public response. What is it about this series that has created so much attention and frenzy?

Over the next few weeks I plan to answer just that question on www.theteenagesoul.com . I have currently finished the first book and will continue to read through the series posting insights and dialogue on the series. I hope that it will be an affective tool in helping you understand what it is your students are reading and why it seems to create so much intrigue for them. Please feel free to comment and ask questions regarding the books and I will do my best to answer.